dream

I often have a difficult time engaging in the present. That is, being satisfied with where I am, what I am, what I am accomplishing. The thoughts that consume me are of what is next, where am I going, am I doing to become, or am I simply wasting days, wasting breath.

.i dream.

This mindset often becomes a drawback as I am most always looking to accomplish. I am bored if I am not progressing. This allows me to rarely become stagnant in anything I do, but pushes me to work outside of appropriate timing. Soon I will have opportunities to choose a ministry to assume leadership over. I want nothing more than for people to have an encounter that changes their lives forever in an instant. I want nothing more than to engage in the presence so much that those whom I simply brush shoulders with are consumed with the power that saves nations. I want the world to know...

The laboring images haunt me of failure, boredom, insufficiency. Time to time I pray the simple prayer "God, I don't want to suck". How can I move His presence into my group; how can I transform a group into a movement; what can I do that will make You stay; how can I?

.i can't.

Laying on the ground, arguing my desires with the undeniable need for Him to interact for my hope to be achieved, I hear these words "just be flammable".


.i will.

developing thought

I listen to people say how 'unable' they are, how much they mess up, how they are nothing. These are people whom I trust, value, and learn from. But is this what humility is? I recognize that without the hand of God on my life, I am nothing; without the Lord I cannot move, I cannot breathe, the very essence of my being is held together by Him every second. But who I am, what my identity is, entirely is motivated and connect to God.

On this earth, there is not a single person who is not innately linked to God, believer or not. God is apart of me just as my blood is apart of me, without it, I cannot not live. This is not a cry of desperation, but a physical reality that without the presence, literally I believe I would not be apart of this earth. Why then would I express that I am nothing, that I do not measure up, why am I identifying myself outside of the presence? He is apart of me and I should not be so ignorant to label myself outside of him.

I was designed in the image, I was created in the mold of greatness, this is who I am, not who I will become. Death is not my destiny, nor is it my savior. I am not a sinner, I have been redeemed and set free, and his redemption is complete, perfect, and does not stop. I have been made new, therefore, I do not have the right to catalog as one who is incomplete, inadequate, and unable. I do mess up, I do make poor decisions; but this is not who I am.

Outside of the presence I cannot find my identity, I cannot be described outside of him and me, me and him.

Done.

.the church is wasting its authority to raise the dead on raising the old self.


whoa.

hope

Entering the last semester of my undergraduate course work, the inevitable question is asked at minimum five times daily, "What are your plans for next year?"The honest answer remains 'I don't know' although I often find it fun to dream up extraordinary stories and see if the person I'm talking to will really believe that I'm going to return to manage the orphanage I established in Africa a few years ago, or attempt to revive my career as a freestyle bmx rider which I gave up to go to Simpson. Nevertheless, with their varying response to my ultimate reply of 'I don't know' I've begun to wonder, do I really need a plan?

At some point in everyday, I ask for an increase of my ability to find the voice, to recognize the presence. I am trying to live my life daily according to the voice, rather than the expectations. I do not subscribe to the thought that every decision should be made only by what he tells you to do. But I am trying to take on his mind, I am trying learn to think his thoughts. At some point, in any relationship that continues to grow, you no longer need to talk directly to the person to know how they would react or respond in a situation. You just know, because you know them. This is the relationship I want to develop.

There is little doubt in my mind that I was made to great. I have extraordinary dreams that I will accomplish before I die. As kids, we all aspire to be the most magnificent people, with the jobs that are most rewarding. We were dreamers; I was going to play in the NBA. I did have a back up plan if my basketball skills were not quite up to standard, Plan B was to be the General Manager of the Phoenix Suns, with Plan C being an astronaut. People would tell me the odds, that 1 in every 10 million people achieve these positions, and without skipping a beat, I would tell them that I am that 1. I never grew out of this mindset, although my goals did change, my dreams for my life still large.

I don't have a plan, I have dreams. I am convinced that these dreams will be realized. I am convinced that I do not need a lot, I just need his hand on a little, and it explodes; the good becomes great.

i will travel the world.
i will preach to thousands.
i will see people healed.
i will see people saved.
i will see people forever changed.

RJP

I am on a quest to live stress-free joy-filled every moment of everyday. I have yet to be successful for an entire day, or even come close. Since I have decided to pursue this lifestyle, I am able to say that I have not had a 'rough' day. I often have bad moments, and many days, numerous bad moments strung together, but when I feel my problem start to outweigh his presence it offers the necessity to stop, regain my focus, and continue with life.
The kingdom consists of righteous, joy, and peace. If I am apart of the kingdom and the kingdom lives inside of me, should not I always have righteous, joy, and peace? The kingdom does not leave me, so why do not I always have the fruit of tree?
In reality, I do not really believe what I say is possible to live. I do not really think that the kingdom is active within my person all the time. Even when I am acting the role, I often feel plastic and fake. It is a slower than desired process of changing my thinking to what I know that I am from what I think I am, from who I think I deserve to become. What am I letting rob my joy, my peace? When I let the kingdom be fully realized internally my external atmosphere will leak such joy and peace. When I learn to always recognize the lies I daily believe about myself rather than the truth that is available to me my life will leak such joy and peace. When I am able to live the concept that I am made in the image of God, that who is fitting my life on his hand like a glove, rather than believing that he is mad at me and dissappointed with me, my life will leak such joy and peace. When I identify that I do have joy and peace as a part of my dna, it becomes a matter of letting it out rather than searching to find it.

quote

.struggle is the proof you have not yet been conquered and warfare surrounds the birth of a miracle.


whoa.

Thought

Society will deal in fullness what the church deals with in seed form.