More

The adversity found in creating is far greater than that in navigating a road previously paved by others. It has been days over 8 1/2 months since I left the place that groomed me out of adolescence, and returned me home to be an adult. I returned with nothing but a few belongings and my dreams to wow Arizona with who I had discovered I was, who He made me to be.

The year previous, I had been swept away through innumerable encounters with Him; daily exposure to secrets of His love, joy, satisfaction. The homecoming would not deter these times, they would increase and I would show others how to live single-minded to Him, experiencing His goodness. This was my plan, this was my excitement.

4 months into this book, the fervor had faded. The intimate times slowly diminishing. My desire for them much the same, giving equal time to ministry, work, family, friends, etc. as before. Something was missing, something was lost. I began to question my own life, my setting, my gifts, ministry, what had I done for Him to seemingly remove His love for me? I knew the undying affection for me was unscathed, but why could I know longer find Him when I looked...

8 1/2 months read, without certainty how many pages left to handle. The experiences I had were less than a year removed, the lessons learned, the secrets revealed, now being forced to live when the physical reality of His presence does not feel real. Can I truly live what He has spoken to me without feeling Him standing next to me? Can I be totally satisfied by Him? Can I choose joy? Can I choose peace? Will I find Him as my everything when I'm searching, but He isn't being found?

yet.

I continue to grow drained by the pursuit without immediate reward. For the past four plus months, my life has felt dull, unmotivated, and without dynamic growth. And this week, a thought confronted me, "is this how people live?" My frustration dominantly lies in the fact that I know there is more. I have experienced more, I have seen healing, within me and around me. I have seen people's lives change instantaneously and progressively, I have experienced His love mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have seen signs and wonders. I have not only heard His voice, but I have felt His voice. I have seen my prayers move impossibilities. I know about my God, and I know my God. I have met with Him, conversed, sacrificed, and watched Him shatter hopelessness. I've seen Him heal cancer, broken bones, disproportionate legs, chronic pain, torn ligaments, blind eyes, and deaf ears. I've seen Him heal the hearts of the broken, the lost, the forgotten, and the hurting. I've seen Him. I know Him. They must know...

there is more.

I will settle for nothing less.