Hopeful(less)

I hope.

What is it that I hope? I hope to make more money. I hope to get the job. I hope my finances come through. I hope to be noticed. I hope to do well in school. I hope to get what I ask for. I hope to stay healthy. I hope to be loved. I hope to be needed. I hope. I hope.

I want.

These words have become interchangeable in my expressions. Hope equates desire; but it doesn't. Hope must be put in something, someone. Can I hope in something I cannot see? It is in where my hope lies, this place that feeds me life, hoping for something greater, when satisfied, I become the person I was authored to be.

Hope fails.

Most often, I have my hope stationed in relationships; in the end wanting to be counted among the number of whom this piece of my hope is controlled.  When I am unrecognized, ignored, I become unvalued. This habit requires overindulging by asserting to maintain peaceful connections. Hope still serves the same purpose, nevertheless, putting my hope in anything that can ultimately fail, will. Broken relationships, author hopelessness, and lies are fashioned to the fiction of Hope's existence. My hope is in being wanted. When I am unwanted in an instance, I become unwanted unanimously. It is when my hope is placed in something definable, the definition will at last become identity. Being wanted is part of the design, but allowing it to become the substitute when I don't feel like a son, my internal infrastructure begins to crumble. Hope fails when grounded in something or someone that was never designed provide satisfaction, life.

Hope influences.

A friend of mine once told me, the one who possesses the greatest hope, possesses the greatest influence. Hope is the confidence in something great, for something better. Hope is knowing. Hope doesn't disappoint. I live by who I put my hope in, I die by its absence. But hope can always win, hope can always satisfy, hope can always influence. It is when my hope is placed in what cannot be defined, the one who calls me son, the one who always welcomes, always wins, always satisfies; then definitions and identities are insignificant, because they are unchanging. I am thus always wanted, because of who I am, never the converse.

Where is my hope? 

Today...

...my hope is in Jesus.

A son. 

Wanted.