Clarity in Chaos

My life has lately resembled that of one who is unsure and confused, thoughts without order, a mind of chaos without rest. Feeling confident of things and in a moment experience completely opposing desires, motives, and thoughts. It is a roller-coaster of internal expressions. I've always been one who has loved going to church. Ever since I was young, church was the highlight of my life. I was unconcerned with what was going on or who was going to be there, if I could get in the front door, I wanted to be at church. There was no rhyme or reason for my fascination with church, it was simply a place I loved.

In the last few months I have begun to feel as though I was a young boy again, just loving being at church. Although my reasons and actions different. It is the only place where I experience rest from the barrage of confliction. If there is even a chance that Jesus is going to be there, it is all I want to be in that place. I have found the only place of clarity among the chaos is in the Presence. It can only be described as the place where I feel as though I fit in my own skin. It is the only place where I have felt unwavering confidence in decisions, desires, and motives. This is the result of rubbing shoulders with that which is wisdom; this is the result of Him reminding me of His goodness.

If there is one thing I am convinced of, it is that the more time I spend in the Presence, the better my life is.

This creates an interesting tension in my life. The more time I spend in His Presence, the hungrier I am to get back into it. I leave entirely satisfied and fulfilled, yet wanting so much more. I am learning to live my life from the Presence.

I want to forget how to live without Him.